Monday, December 12, 2005

My beautiful beautiful baby

After a long week of MC, I am due back at work today. Knowing that I should be sleeping early in anticipation for the busy day ahead but instead I ended up tossing & turning in bed last night. Try hard as I might I just couldn't fall asleep.

Meg is going on a holiday to Thailand with her dad on Wednesday. I guess thinking about her being apart from me for a whole week has kept me wide-awake. Slowly I ended up silently weeping instead.

Are they tears of fear - the fear of losing Meg, tears of guilt - for not spending as much time as she would like with her, or tears of overwhelming pride & joy - to see how much my little one has grown?

There was a fortune-teller that foretold something not too well for my little one. Now that she' going on a trip without me, I am gripped by fear that I'm not there to watch over her.

Paranoia aside, I am worried about how she's going to cope without me. She's used to having Ken or me with her every night for the longest time. Would they know her sleeping habits? Would they take care of her as well as I do?

Megan has indeed made me very proud. She may be prone to tantrums and is as shy as can be in front of strangers. But she's the most loving little girl that I've ever seen. And most importantly, nobody loves me as much or as unconditionally as she does.

I accidentally knocked my head on the headstand of the bed last night. She hurriedly came to me and rubbed my head while gently chiding me for being careless. It's like a role reversed.

Now she has got into a habit of sleeping in my bed when I make her sleep. And when she lies next to me, she makes sure that I too have a toy to hug and then will pull my arm round to hug her to sleep. When I tap her to sleep, she would be so silly as to hold onto my hand and uses her hand to raise mine to tap herself. She told me my hands would be tired.

I am on a very strict diet and she watches me like a hawk. Just as I was debating whether to steam that second 'bao', she asked me why am I steaming 2. When I replied that both are for me, she told me that I'd grow fat & so I sheepishly abandoned that second one.

My sis tried to lure me with my favourite of favourites - durian. After seeing my look of dismay & helplessness when my sis plopped that packet of durian into my lap, Meg promptly lifted the pack from me and handed it back to my sis saying, "Mummy will become fat fat you know." However the devil in me took over and I still ate the durians. Never to be beaten, Meg looked at each seed I picked up and repeatedly tells me that I have eaten enough.

Sometimes she makes me wonder who's the mother & who's the daughter.

As I am uncontrollablytears uncontrorably rolled down my cheeks. I am going to miss her so so much...........

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