Thursday, August 25, 2005

Out of job

I've thrown in the towel, given my boss the sack, or whatever you might like to call it. But yes, I've finally done the deed.

Most people think that I'm mad to give up my ludicrious job & at a time when bonus is just round the corner. It wasn't an easy decision nor was it one that's made on impulse. It's something that's been weighing constantly on my mind. Now that I've been pushed to the limit & reached the point of no return, all I ask for is to preserve my sanity & dignity.

I was initially filled with apprehension & fear of what the unknown future beholds, but now I'm elated that I've made my choice. My heart has never felt as light in such a long time.

Of course to say that I'm not in the least bit afraid is delusional. There are times where I'm seized by panic attack & worry about my livelihood. 

My last day at work is on the 23 September 2005. I had better find something by then, or I can officially tuang with the Devils' Bitches. So if anyone has any lobang, you know where to find me.......

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Grandma's birthday

It's terribly late now. I really should be in bed but I simply couldn't resist staying up to post these photos that I took of my grandma's birthday dinner on Saturday. So I'll just cut my story short & leave you guys to enjoy the photos!

Ms. Grouchy in the car on the way to dinner

In her cute cheongsam

My grandma's 92 birthday
Meg has a love-hate relationship with gramps - now she's showing her love side
Had a terrific time playing with her cousins at the dinner
Meg chose this cake & generously paid for it with all the money in her wallet
Positively yummy!!!
Notice the hand..... (*shakes head* the little imp is always disturbing gramps)

With my sis, Erica & my cousin, Jamie

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Dad's birthday

The devils' bitches are suppose to meet up today to select Noelle's wedding gown. My apologies again gals but it's dad's birthday. No 2 ways about it.
Dad's rushing off to work, so has requested a no frills celebration. Just a simple cake.

My parents with their precious granddaughter
Singing the birthday song
Blowing off the flame on the candle

A go at cutting the cake

Both looking really pleased with themselves

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

A rainy sunday

Remember when I said on Sunday, I couldn't make it for suntanning cos it was raining. I eventually did!!!

Both Meg & I had a hard time dragging my sis, Erica, out of bed. (banging on the door, yelling at the top of our voices...) It was already 4pm when I finally made it to the pool. (yah 4pm still sleeping??!!) Well at that hour, it hardly qualifies as suntanning, but at least I did manage to get there.

We managed to spend a nice quiet Sunday afternoon frolicking in the water. The good time didn't last for long though, cos it started to rain an hour later. But despite that, I believe that everyone of us had a pretty good time. =)

precious Megan posing

now my turn to pose

bikini babes ;)

Erica & Megan

they were busy enjoying themselves in the water, while I was having a good time on dry land taking pics of them.

Meg & her sweet sweet smile

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Homeground finally!

Drats! I was planning to go for a tan but out of the blue it started to rain...... Arghhhhh!!! This is so infuriating. I do need a tan so very badly. * hint devils' bitches*
Well, guess I'll spend this rainy Sunday afternoon blogging instead.
I haven't been down to Devils Bar since May (*exclaims* has it been that long??!!). Finally it's back on homeground again on Friday night. It's a shame that Noelle couldn't join us but as it's Jeff's birthday, we decided to cut her some slack.
I've managed to meet a couple of friends that I haven't seen in a long while; Simon, Tommy, Alvin, Jason & Clyde. It was good seeing them again. And of course, there are those few pests that one inevitably meets when one goes clubbing.
How I missed dancing on the bartop & we actually heard 'the book is on the table'! Now I'm sore all over what with those vigorous dancing & sleek dance moves (hee...hee... If I might say so).
I didn't bring my camera that night & so I'll have to post using the pics that Miko & JuJu took. Alas...... JuJu has once again yet to update her blog. Therefore Miko's pics will have to do for now.

The famous DB6....erm, I meant DB5. Posted by Picasa
As I've gotta wake up at 7am the next morning, Simon had valiantly offered to give me a morning call. In spite of his call, I still can't drag myself out of bed. I'm so guilty, I've wasted his kind effort!

Thanz for the morning call, Simon! Posted by Picasa

Simply babelicious!!!!!! Posted by Picasa

Tequila shots - courtesy of JuJu Posted by Picasa

The famous Devils' Bitches on the famous Devils' Bartop. Posted by Picasa
Friday night has brought back many memories, mostly good ones. However, I think there are some songs I'll never dance to again. At least for now.......

Friday, August 12, 2005

A silent prayer

Something happened today that made me change my perception of life forever. I saw the impermanence of life & understood that one should learn to let go.

The sister of my classmate/colleague has just passed away today. Her husband & her, met with a car accident in Perth while on a holiday. Tragically, her husband is gone as well.

The last I saw her was 1 month ago. She's the same age as me. She's 5 months pregnant.

As I sat & weep with my friend, I looked back in retrospect. Do you remember an old post where I questioned, is there meaning in staying alive? I'm now awashed with shame. Yes, I still think it's a pain to be be alive but I've started to realise that life is beautiful in it's own warped way. Life is to be cherished & we should spend every second appreciating what this short, impermanent life has to offer.

As I say a silent prayer to mourn for the ones gone, I would also like to say a prayer of thanks.

I want to thank my family; my mum ( for her unrelentless care & concern), Megan (for giving me a reason to go on living), & my 2 sis (for their loyalty towards their big sis).

I want to thank the Devils' Bitches (for being there for me whenever I need them).

I want to thank my colleagues; Grace, Felicia, Zarina, Azlinda, Siti, Christy, Trista, Liza, Balvir, Ravi, Yasin, Su Fern, & Angie (for being the angels watching over me at work).

I want to thank the greatest friends one could ever ask for; Nelly, Kennon, Bernie, Linley, Dick, Elni, Lini, Simon, Wayne, Kelly Koh, & Kelvin (for loving me the way I am & extending their unpretentious friendship).

I am indeed fortunate.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

The innate child in me

Do you think that everyone has an innate child in them? I know I do.
That's cos where it used to lie dormant, the repressed child is screaming & kicking to be let out.

I don't want to be an adult. I don't want to be responsible. I don't want to make decisions. I don't want to have to worry & think about consequences. I don't want to have to please people.

I want to sulk & stamp my feet. I want to cry as & when I want to. I want to be spoiled & demanding. I want instant gratification. I want to be cajoled & coaxed. I want to be pampered. I want to be baby-talked to. I want to know there's someone to shield me from world's harm & shoulder the sky when it falls.

I want.... I want.... I want.....

I'm starting to act like I'm 3 instead of 30.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Devils' Bitches in PS MacDonald's

I finally met up with the devils bitches for our weekly gathering on Thursday night. It was nothing short of miraculous that I've turned up. I think I've not seen them in over 2 weeks. I've missed them so much! (very soon we'll all need to be joined at the hips)

In spite of the fact that I love them a great deal, it didn't diminsh my urge to strangle each of them when I finally reached the meeting point. We had originally planned to meet up at NYDC & I left word to inform me of any changes. Therefore after a dreadful late clinic meeting in Tanglin shopping centre (next to Devils Bar), I set off purposefully on foot (in my 1 week old shoes) to NYDC. I was elated (cos my feet were killing me!) when NYDC was finally in view.Then the unthinkable happened, I received a sms from Noelle telling me the venue has been changed to Plaza Singapura......

I think tears must have rolled down my cheeks at that very instant. With my teeth clenched, dragging my agonizingly painful feet, trudging along the pavement of Orchard Road, I u-turned, & retraced my steps to the Orchard MRT station.

But to finally meet up with the bitches, the pain had been all worth it.

It makes me wonder, how can 6 women so diverse in age & personality, have so much to yak about? Amazing! As usual, the meeting was filled with shrieks & laughter. I think we must have annoyed the hell out of people sitting around us. I really must apologise to those in MacDonald's that night, we didn't mean it but we just can't help ourselves. We were simply having too much fun.

Trying to take a group photo was hilarious.... We put the camera on timer & perched it precariously on top of a large cup (ice lemon tea probably), then smiled into the camera like it's the most natural thing in the world, while waiting for the camera to snap. (please try to remember that we are in MacDonald's) I think we must have looked like a bunch of morons to the rest of the world walking past us.

I tried out my boss's new camera but drats, these 2 pics was all I managed to capture.

Where am I???
Posted by Picasa

Sweetie pie Miko bought us each a gorgeous bracelet & to top it off, she got it in each of our favourite colour. Blue for Ju, Pink for Marilyn, Green for Noelle, White for Apple & Red for me! =)

The beautiful bracelets from thoughtful Miko
Posted by Picasa

No Thursday meeting for us next week cos we're going to Devil's Bar on Friday instead! I'm not sure if I'm going yet but in any case, I'm really glad I've managed to meet up with them. It has been an all week low for me at work & seeing them has definitely lifted my spirits. It brings a nice warm glow to my heart when they initiated to ask me how's work, cos they know how much it has been bothering me. It tells me how much they care about me, even though it's something mundane like work.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


I recalled a conversation I had with a close friend sometime back, maybe about 3 months ago. - Why do we exist? She asked, why is one born only to die later. She sees no meaning in waking up day after day, no reason for her to carry on living till death claims her. She sees no aim in life, nothing to look forward to. So why is she still going through the hassle & pretense of living?

I tried to reply in my most sensible grown-up voice - Everyone have a reason for living, you'll just have to find yours. I told her to have a goal & work towards it, then she will have something to look forward to. Sounds sensible? Believe me, even I had trouble convincing myself then. But then again, what else could I have said.

Looking back, I have to concede defeat. Life is just one tedious charade. All the pretense for nothing. Set a goal, so I said. But when I've reached it? Set another one, so said I. But when this next one is done & the next & the next? Where is the meaning in all this? I mean so what if you get your 1st car, 1st bungalow, 1st million? All of us eventually die, isn't it? Then why do we work so hard only to achieve the same sorry finish at the end. Is there a point in prolonging the inevitable?

I've gone one full circle & yet none the wiser.

Alright, I'd better set the records straight before anyone concludes that I'm suicidal. Cos I AM NOT!

It's just that I have been asking myself alot about this recently (no, I'm not schizophrenic either). PMS? (well that's well over now) So I really don't know what to attribute my low spirits to. Stress perhaps....... I guess there's just alot of expectation of me from everyone & myself. It's really not easy undertaking multiple roles. The toll of juggling all these roles is seriously weighing me down.

I strive tremendously hard to be the near perfect mother, near perfect girlfriend, near perfect daughter, near perfect employee & near perfect manager. There's a thin line balancing all these & I feel like a tight rope walker balancing myself on that thin thread. I worry all the time that I'm not doing well enough.
I'm not sure if I've been doing a good job but if there are those out there who thinks so, please do come forward & give me a pat on the back.

I'm sorry I digressed. I guess my sucky work situation has brought about my bout of depression & invariably this topic. I wonder why I had to endure so much crap when the eventual outcome is the same. And then I remembered... .... the same answer I gave to my friend 3 months ago. Megan - my reason to go on living. This reason will suffice for now.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Acute Tonsilitis

It seems the times I get to update my blog is when I am sick. Yes, sick once again. Acute tonsilitis this time. Gosh I never knew that it could be quite this bad. Never mind the fever, just the pain in the throat is enough to kill. It's so bad that even swallowing saliva makes me wanna cry. Now I'm feeling faint & weak after going on without solid food for the past 2 days.

Inspite of me being in pain & the entire clinic hunting me down, I'm feeling really really happy today. Delirious with joy in fact! I think he's back, I think I found him again. =) Haha... I don't think anyone will know what I'm talking about. But I just wanna shout & announce to the whole world that I'm happy again.

It's nurses' day today. I would like to wish the nurses in my clinic a very happy nurses' day & tell them how amazing they are. Most importantly, I want to tell them that I really appreciate their support for me & I could never ask for better colleagues than them. I'm just so lucky to have them.

I'm so sorry I can't go down to support Ju in the Devil's Idol competition tomorrow. I don't think I'll be up to it yet. But I'll be cheering for you all the way! JU JU JIA YOU!!!! Wo hui yong yuan zhi chi ni de!!! Wo ai ni!!! Do your best dear darling & break a leg!

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