I am for me to judge

Perhaps I should do a clarification on my previous post. I'm not too sure how many actually read it closely and understand the gist of it all.

I mentioned that I have evolved into a social butterfly, not a social escort. I have never degraded myself nor compromised my integrity. I watched the other girls being groped at. Not that I have been groped at. No one has laid a single finger on me. If the girls are willing to be touched, there's no reason for me to stand up and walk away or try to defend my own integrity, is there?

My job is about networking and depended alot on referrals from the doctors. If I was to stick my nose in the air, then I figure there will never be a future for me working there. Think about it, would you go out of your way to help introduce people to someone, only to get snubbed by her. Not to mention favours, no rapport of any sort will be established if I was to act serious all the time. Of course not all doctors take to flippancy, there are some who just talks serious. I simply pick up on their vibes and act accordingly.

A worthy note, my job scope specifies physician relation - read: rapport selling.

I apologise if you all perceived from my previous post that all the men I come in contact with are all perverts or DOM. I must have pitched it to be alot more miserable than it really is. At least to myself, I am truly miserable. I hated hypocrisy and patronizing. There's nothing that revolts me more than insincerity. But now I have to become one of those that does the very thing I preach against.

As a nurse, I truly feel for my patients and have a genuine smile for all of them. But now, I have to be Miss Smiley and constantly watch my back because each and everyone whom I come in contact with, all have a hidden agenda. (Before you guys misunderstand again, the agenda is about work and not about getting into my pants, I am not that great or that hot really.) That is thoroughly exhausting and truly sickens me. You have no idea how much effort it takes me to plaster that smile on my face.

I digress.............

Someone once insulting told me that if it wasn't for me being born pretty, I would get no where in life. In the medical fraternity, everyone knows everyone and there are many out there that can't wait to see me fall. ( You might like to note though that the person who made that statement is not in my industry.) I have got too much to lose and too much to prove. I cannot afford to lose this job. Sure I can keep a low profile and slowly work my way up but I don't have the time. I took a 1k paycut when I switched job. I need everyone to see my worth and I need a pay raise - fast. I need to put bread on the table.

No one should judge me nor tell me what to do. As much as one would like to believe they are in the same predicament as me but let me tell you once more. You are not.