Delete it if you can!

I had been really pissed for a couple of days now but did not have a chance to let it out of my system. I knew the matter is probably over now but I still felt that I needed to address it. So if you're a FJC member, I would suggest you skip this post lest it affects you. There is no way that I will delete my own post and so don't even bother trying to suggest it.

I am sick and tired of having my posts deleted in the Fit Jazz Club Forum, so now I will play by my own terms. I am the boss here and I call the shots. Nobody can tell me what to write and only I can delete my post. So there!

To cut the story short, I wrote a very strong and passionate post in a thread that was attacking the moderator and a member regarding some possible extra-marital thinggy. Okay, I know I was being kaypoh and this is entirely none of my business. But this is a cause that I really fight for. Has anybody thought about the feelings of that woman in the background that had worked really hard to care for the kids and house? The woman that will take the man back regardless of whatever mistakes he had made. You can't imagine the number of women that suffer silently just to keep the family intact. Did anyone fight for their rights or tell them to stand up to it? I am glad that there are more women shoving it back up the men's asses but there are still some that's still trapped in that submissive role. (Note: I am not trying to be the devil's advocate for divorce.)

When this member's family members starting blasting the moderator in the forum, I got furious because no one spared a thought for the wife/mistress (status complicated but has kid with him.) How could they have the nerve to drag the entire thing in public? She or her friends might be reading for God's sake. It is already awful enough to be going through the entire trauma but if I was her, the last thing I want is for the whole world to know and be humiliated completely. Therefore I can't help myself and hence the angry post in the forum. Just in case the moderator didn't know, I was defending his other half, not him. Although he doesn't appreciate it but who knows, maybe she might?

I knew the moderators were trying to pipe the issue down and I had instead created another furore. And so yes, I can understand his anger but I can't agree with the way he's handled this matter. He mass sms the forum members informing them to keep their girlfriends/ wives in check. But duh, he was obviously talking about me, so why not send the sms straight to Ken or to me? As the Chinese saying goes, 'zi sung ma huai'. (Translates = Pointing at A when you are in fact scolding B.) I prefer direct confrontations and don't take well to cowards.

And why does he word it girlfriends/wives? I am a forum member with my own rights and own identity. My identity is Esther, not just someone's girlfriend/wife. I don't think he respects women very much. That post was worded from my own train of thoughts. Why should Ken even be associated with it?

But that's not all. He sent a total of 15 smses to everyone! It had me totally confused. The point was to resolve issue or blow up the issue? He seems a very misguided person. I had no qualms about him complaining, because afterall my post is there for all to see and I have naught to hide. But I have a problem about him not walking his talk. He is the moderator who tells everyone to talk less and create less trouble. But here he is, creating a storm in a teacup. Even if I had not read the forum, after receiving all those smses, you can be sure no matter what, I'll definitely find all ways and means to log into the forum to read that post, isn't it?

You might be tempted to call him brainless but to give him credit, he's actually got more brains than you think. But don't underestimate me either. I am no bimbo. I can see through him easier than anyone does because the members respect him as a leader and follows what he says. So obviously respect I have none because till now, he's done nothing to earn it. He's in actual fact scheming and manipulative. Those 15 smses was a propaganda, he uses his influence as a moderator and made it seem that I am totally at fault. And he also used it to put Ken in a tight spot and exert peer on pressure him.

And the end result is that I ended up quarreling with Ken after he told me to delete my post. (See, his little trickery works, right?) And being the stubborn me, I refused to budge. They can delete it if they want but I will never eat my words. If I am wrong, I will publicly apologise but will not hide my mistake. In order to ease Ken's position, I decided to apologise in the forum based on 3 points.

1. It was none of my business and so I shouldn't interfere.
2. I didn't get the 100% facts.
3. I shouldn't be calling names.

Someone asked me why did I even apologise. That's when I realised a lot of people misinterpreted and thought I had apologised for writing that post. I would like to clarify myself, the apologies were only based on those 3 points listed and nothing more. Definitely not for the message I intended to bring across.

Another thing that had me really crossed was the way he manipulated the order of the postings in the forum. He had that initial thread locked and so I couldn't apologise in it even if I wanted to. Therefore I had to post them in another thread. When I went back to the forum slightly later, he had replied to someone else but not me in that thread. Then an hour after my post, I realised that he had reopened that 1st thread so that both he and that girl could berate my 1st post! Why had he chosen to reply my 1st post and not the apology post? I would feel that it's more appropriate to address the latest post. It was after my apology then he felt it's alright to confront me in the forum. Coward! I tried to type in my reply to their posts but to my horror, found the entire thread deleted. They had managed to tell their side of the story (of course they sounded like saints, I would love to hear the wife's version though.) but I didn't manage to get my last words in. And of course, whoever gets their last words in, wins!

Undaunted, I replied in the 2nd thread and told the moderator to set an example by walking the talk. And then, this thread got deleted too. *fumes*

However I was glad that when I met some members over the weekend, they showed me the support and told me that things were actually way uglier than I had thought it to be.

I am not a trouble maker but just that I have a very rigid set of rights and wrongs. No grey areas nor compromising. I'm no pushover either. I think for myself and do not succumb to peer pressure. For example, I had never touched cigarettes or drugs in my entire life, although I knew of many who had experimented with them while they were young. Now most of my closest friends smoke but it had never occurred to me to join them.

Maybe I am reading into this more than what it should be. But you can hardly blame me because I seriously doubt his character and his integrity. When in doubt, it is never wrong to scrutinize and analyze.