Sunday, October 21, 2007

In loving memory of my grandma

It's been said that misfortune never comes singly and how right it is. Right after I was discharged, my beloved grandma passed away. She left us on 14/10/07 Sunday morning at the age of 94. She died peacefully of old age and I think it's a great consolation to her having managed to see Uniz and Leto just before she died. In fact, she probably held on to see the both of them because she turned bad the day after they came back to Singapore.

I did not manage to get a last glimpse of my grandma because I was still sleeping. I was way too complacent. I had thought that when I came home on Saturday night, it was too late in the night to go see her. I told myself, I would do so the first thing I wake up in the morning. But ...........

I had taken a lot of things in life for granted, including my grandma. During her last few years in life, she became wheelchair bound and her hearing deteriorated. With the difficulty in hearing, she also spoke less and made less demands. Gradually she was not as lucid as she used to be. And gradually too, we forgot that she was there, sitting quietly in her wheelchair at the far end of the house.

Many a times, I wanted to go hold her hands and ask how was she feeling but something would distract me and I would forget all about it. Everything else in my life was given a priority except her. I even put off seeing her, thinking that it can wait. I had never been more wrong. And all I can do is sit and weep. No way to turn back the clock now. I can only live with the regret.

As I sat mourning her, I recollected all that she had done for me. Mum works long hours when I was young and grandma was the one who looked after my sis and I. She cooked, cleaned the house and fetch us to/fro school. Something that's deeply etched in my memory was how she would plait my hair with the strings from the plastic bags of 'Tau Hua Jui' every morning prior to school. That was how thrifty she was. Grandma forms a huge part of my life, she's one of my pillars. And now she's no more. How I miss her and grieve for her.

The one thing we did right was that we kept her at home when we knew time was near for her. She had Leto affectionately kissing her just before she passed away. Uniz called me when she thinks something was amissed and I rushed down immediately to confirm that she's breathed her last. I held her when she was still warm and Megan also got to kiss her. Then I wiped, cleaned and changed her for the last time. I thank God for giving me one last chance to do something for her.

I think you really get to know who your real friends are in times of difficulties and needs. From the time I was hospitalised and now the funeral, I got to see for myself who are true friends and who are the ones that were only paying lip service. There were really wonderful friends and relatives who came down every night of the funeral or some who sent their regards even when they are abroad. Then again there are some that whom I thought were good friends but didn't do nothing at all.

Other than getting to see the true colours of some friends, I also got to see how ugly some of my family members were. Sad to say, the funeral is the last I will see of them, for they cease to be family from henceforth. I am glad to say that my own family actually came out stronger and closer after the funeral. The 3 of us sisters were so united and I am so proud of them. We had made a pact right there at my grandma's funeral to always work in hand and never to drift apart.

I miss you Ah Ma ............ Although I never told you that I love you, you know that I do very very much.

We took pictures of the funeral for remembrance & to send to relatives living overseas. I know it's kinda morbid to post it but it's afterall my online diary & I want to document it.Wreath from my company
Fruit hamper wrapped by the 3 of us sisters to be offered to grandmaMeg was really cute. She was unafraid & even lined up all her toys to sleep next to the coffin.Megan was a great consolation to me. She was extremely sweet throughout the entire funeral & was helping in whatever way she could. Everytime she sees me cry, she would come & hug me & kiss me. During these 5 days, it's as if our roles were reversed & she took care of me instead.
In spite of what everyone says about blogging, I am glad I started & persisted. If not, I wouldn't be taking so many photos nor documenting bits of my life that didn't seem important then. Because of blogging, I was able to go into the archive & retrieve some photos of my grandma. This pic was taken during her birthday in 2005.
Meg's naughty hand at the disturbing grandmaChinese New YearBirthday in 2006Grandma's last birthday celebration this year September

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