Sunday, September 06, 2009

Just let me cry

I have to remain strong for many, especially Meg. I wonder if it's a good thing not be given the chance to grieve over a loss. Does that make one happier or does that make one more miserable?

I kept my cheerful smile on for Meg & went about my routine normally. I don't know if she ever saw through my smiles but I guess it was assurance enough for her.

The thing is that although I try as hard as I can, it's impossible to be immune to it 100%. My defences are at its' lowest when I am alone. When I am driving, in the shower, or lying alone in bed ........ I can't help it but the tears just flows on its' own. It's as if the tear-holding bucket inside me had been filled to it's brim and it just simply overflowed. It's especially awful when I am driving because a sudden onslaught of tears would come on and completely blur my vision.

It isn't easy being strong too. Just before I go home, I will spend an hour sitting in the car, emptying that bucket so that it won't overflow when I am with Meg. Even then, I made sure I never cave in completely. I never allowed myself to reminisce about the past because it just hurts too much and will completely pull me into deep despair. I never had a good fulfilling cry because I was afraid that once I gave in crying, I might never stop ............


  1. Well, cry your heart out...and STOP!!!

    You reminded of how I used to plan my crying routines many years ago...

    If it's God's intention that TODAY is a perfect day, he would not have created TOMORROW...

    Have a good cry and move strong gal!!!

    And I know you will...


  2. Hey Babe ! Felt sad for you too... really wanted to give you a big hug if I could...

    By the way, Saw you last Sat in Social House... Wanted to approach you but I'm too scared to do so... So I just look at you thru the night from a distance... I dunno if you noticed me =P but You are one HOT Gorgeous Dancing Queen!!

  3. u will eventually stop crying one day ... when it is the time to stop ... u will ... no worries, happiness is always at the end of the road ... if it takes a longer time to reach the end, fear not ... becos eventually u will reach it, and reach happiness :) i cried for a good whole 18mths over my issues and when i stopped that day ... i knew im on the road to happiness and very much nearer! you can do it!

  4. i hope u are feeling better...*hugs* I totally understand how u felt.

  5. Be strong... Let it cry out loud and let it be gone. I believe that you will be strong gal. Life still got to move on.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...