Soul Mate

I was sitting in the car pondering ........ when this song came up on the radio. I know it's a fairly old song but I liked it all the same. So I decided to search for it on the net. Kinda give me goosebumps everytime I listen to it.

You should be able to see the arrows (up & down). Scroll down till you see SOUL MATE then double click on it for the MV.

Delete it if you can!

I had been really pissed for a couple of days now but did not have a chance to let it out of my system. I knew the matter is probably over now but I still felt that I needed to address it. So if you're a FJC member, I would suggest you skip this post lest it affects you. There is no way that I will delete my own post and so don't even bother trying to suggest it.

I am sick and tired of having my posts deleted in the Fit Jazz Club Forum, so now I will play by my own terms. I am the boss here and I call the shots. Nobody can tell me what to write and only I can delete my post. So there!

To cut the story short, I wrote a very strong and passionate post in a thread that was attacking the moderator and a member regarding some possible extra-marital thinggy. Okay, I know I was being kaypoh and this is entirely none of my business. But this is a cause that I really fight for. Has anybody thought about the feelings of that woman in the background that had worked really hard to care for the kids and house? The woman that will take the man back regardless of whatever mistakes he had made. You can't imagine the number of women that suffer silently just to keep the family intact. Did anyone fight for their rights or tell them to stand up to it? I am glad that there are more women shoving it back up the men's asses but there are still some that's still trapped in that submissive role. (Note: I am not trying to be the devil's advocate for divorce.)

When this member's family members starting blasting the moderator in the forum, I got furious because no one spared a thought for the wife/mistress (status complicated but has kid with him.) How could they have the nerve to drag the entire thing in public? She or her friends might be reading for God's sake. It is already awful enough to be going through the entire trauma but if I was her, the last thing I want is for the whole world to know and be humiliated completely. Therefore I can't help myself and hence the angry post in the forum. Just in case the moderator didn't know, I was defending his other half, not him. Although he doesn't appreciate it but who knows, maybe she might?

I knew the moderators were trying to pipe the issue down and I had instead created another furore. And so yes, I can understand his anger but I can't agree with the way he's handled this matter. He mass sms the forum members informing them to keep their girlfriends/ wives in check. But duh, he was obviously talking about me, so why not send the sms straight to Ken or to me? As the Chinese saying goes, 'zi sung ma huai'. (Translates = Pointing at A when you are in fact scolding B.) I prefer direct confrontations and don't take well to cowards.

And why does he word it girlfriends/wives? I am a forum member with my own rights and own identity. My identity is Esther, not just someone's girlfriend/wife. I don't think he respects women very much. That post was worded from my own train of thoughts. Why should Ken even be associated with it?

But that's not all. He sent a total of 15 smses to everyone! It had me totally confused. The point was to resolve issue or blow up the issue? He seems a very misguided person. I had no qualms about him complaining, because afterall my post is there for all to see and I have naught to hide. But I have a problem about him not walking his talk. He is the moderator who tells everyone to talk less and create less trouble. But here he is, creating a storm in a teacup. Even if I had not read the forum, after receiving all those smses, you can be sure no matter what, I'll definitely find all ways and means to log into the forum to read that post, isn't it?

You might be tempted to call him brainless but to give him credit, he's actually got more brains than you think. But don't underestimate me either. I am no bimbo. I can see through him easier than anyone does because the members respect him as a leader and follows what he says. So obviously respect I have none because till now, he's done nothing to earn it. He's in actual fact scheming and manipulative. Those 15 smses was a propaganda, he uses his influence as a moderator and made it seem that I am totally at fault. And he also used it to put Ken in a tight spot and exert peer on pressure him.

And the end result is that I ended up quarreling with Ken after he told me to delete my post. (See, his little trickery works, right?) And being the stubborn me, I refused to budge. They can delete it if they want but I will never eat my words. If I am wrong, I will publicly apologise but will not hide my mistake. In order to ease Ken's position, I decided to apologise in the forum based on 3 points.

1. It was none of my business and so I shouldn't interfere.
2. I didn't get the 100% facts.
3. I shouldn't be calling names.

Someone asked me why did I even apologise. That's when I realised a lot of people misinterpreted and thought I had apologised for writing that post. I would like to clarify myself, the apologies were only based on those 3 points listed and nothing more. Definitely not for the message I intended to bring across.

Another thing that had me really crossed was the way he manipulated the order of the postings in the forum. He had that initial thread locked and so I couldn't apologise in it even if I wanted to. Therefore I had to post them in another thread. When I went back to the forum slightly later, he had replied to someone else but not me in that thread. Then an hour after my post, I realised that he had reopened that 1st thread so that both he and that girl could berate my 1st post! Why had he chosen to reply my 1st post and not the apology post? I would feel that it's more appropriate to address the latest post. It was after my apology then he felt it's alright to confront me in the forum. Coward! I tried to type in my reply to their posts but to my horror, found the entire thread deleted. They had managed to tell their side of the story (of course they sounded like saints, I would love to hear the wife's version though.) but I didn't manage to get my last words in. And of course, whoever gets their last words in, wins!

Undaunted, I replied in the 2nd thread and told the moderator to set an example by walking the talk. And then, this thread got deleted too. *fumes*

However I was glad that when I met some members over the weekend, they showed me the support and told me that things were actually way uglier than I had thought it to be.

I am not a trouble maker but just that I have a very rigid set of rights and wrongs. No grey areas nor compromising. I'm no pushover either. I think for myself and do not succumb to peer pressure. For example, I had never touched cigarettes or drugs in my entire life, although I knew of many who had experimented with them while they were young. Now most of my closest friends smoke but it had never occurred to me to join them.

Maybe I am reading into this more than what it should be. But you can hardly blame me because I seriously doubt his character and his integrity. When in doubt, it is never wrong to scrutinize and analyze.

Ching Ming

It's Ching Ming, also known as 'grave sweeping day', is a day for mourning the dead, a day for Chinese families to visit and tend to ancestors' graves.

So early this morning, my parents, Megan & I trooped to visit our grandmother's grave, her 1st Ching Ming ........... It's been a while since I last visited her, I was just thinking about visiting her when my mum tells me it's Ching Ming and we're going to pay respects. It must be grandma telling me not to forget to visit her during Ching Ming :)

I am thankful for the relentless hot sun today, for I kept my shades on, even when indoors. Nobody could tell that I was crying behind those shades. I couldn't help it. The moment I lit the joss sticks and started speaking to her, my tears welled up. And when I saw her picture at the grave, I can't trust myself speaking for fear of giving myself away.

I hadn't known that it would be so difficult to get over her death. I miss grandma ..............

Highly recommended

Hey! Hey! I'm back! Actually I had been back for more than a week now but had been really busy filling in what I had missed when I was away in Japan. However, I saw that my blog hits have been steadily decreasing when I was away and figured I had to set it right asap. I am still trying to sort out my Japan pics so please bear with me. So till then, try to keep yourself busy with the 3 recommendations coming right up ^-^ (and of course come back regularly for post updates!)

Recommendation 1 - Rule #1

Release Date:	13th March 2008
Language:	Mandarin
Running Time:	95 mins
Rating:	NC16
Genre:	Thriller / Horror
Starring:	Ekin Cheng, Shawn Yue, Stephanie Che, Fiona Xie
Directed by:	Kelvin To

Movie Plot
Rookie Sergeant Lee (Shawn Yue) is injured in a shoot-out and is assigned to the dubious-sounding Miscellaneous Affairs Department (MAD). There, he is paired up with Inspector Wong (Ekin Cheng), a jaded and alcoholic veteran who explains that MAD’s role is to answer supernatural calls. Wong explains MAD’s rule number one - there are no ghosts. For every seemingly inexplicable phenomenon, there is a corresponding scientific and rational explanation. MAD begins investigating a string of bizarre teenage suicides - impossible suicides, unless the victims were possessed. As Lee and Wong follow the clues, they realise something sinister is heading their way.

My rating (4 out of 5 popcorns)

While I wouldn't call this movie excellent, it's still 1 of the more watchable ones in the cinema nowadays. It's not exactly our regular stereo-typed horror flicks but it still manages to creep me out nonetheless. The best part about the movie for me (other than eye candy Shawn Yue), has to be the story-line. It comes with a clever twist at the end. Well, you gotta watch it to know .................

Recommendation 2 - Change of Heart: A Novel by Jodi Picoult
Book Description

The acclaimed #1 New York Times bestselling author presents a spellbinding tale of a mother's tragic loss and one man's last chance at gaining salvation. Can we save ourselves, or do we rely on others to do it? Is what we believe always the truth? One moment June Nealon was happily looking forward to years full of laughter and adventure with her family, and the next, she was staring into a future that was as empty as her heart. Now her life is a waiting game. Waiting for time to heal her wounds, waiting for justice. In short, waiting for a miracle to happen. For Shay Bourne, life holds no more surprises. The world has given him nothing, and he has nothing to offer the world. In a heartbeat, though, something happens that changes everything for him. Now, he has one last chance for salvation, and it lies with June's eleven-year-old daughter, Claire. But between Shay and Claire stretches an ocean of bitter regrets, past crimes, and the rage of a mother who has lost her child. Would you give up your vengeance against someone you hate if it meant saving someone you love? Would you want your dreams to come true if it meant granting your enemy's dying wish? Once again, Jodi Picoult mesmerizes and enthralls readers with this story of redemption, justice, and love.

My rating (4 out of 5 stars)

This is my 1st Jodi Picoult book and she definitely doesn't disappoint. I had read the reviews on Amazon and apparently this is not her finest but it's good enough for me. In here, she tackles the death penalty and the lost books of the New Testament. Having been brought up in Singapore, where the death penalty is still strongly enforced, I had come to accept its' presence and never once questioned it. This book has definitely opened up another can of worms for me and makes me ponder over the moral dilemma involved in death penalties. A thought provoking read.

Recommendation 3 - Eyelash extensions

I had mine done prior to Japan and it has lasted even till now. It's been coming 3 weeks already. I must commend that this is the best and longest lasting extensions I had ever done. Most of mine don't even make it past 1 week! I am highly satisfied with the job done and it gets even better as she comes to my house to do it for me. It helps save the trouble of me shuttling to and fro. So now all I need is my concealer and I am set to take on the world! No more make-up and smudging woes :D

Japan here I come!!!

Did I tell you guys that I am going to Japan? As a matter of fact, I am actually already in our new airport terminal 3 waiting to board my plane.

A company incentive trip to Osaka and Nagoya. My very 1st time to Japan and I am so excited! (Haha ........ suaku, right?)

Although I am excited, there's a part of me that actually didn't feel like going. That is because I will miss Megan and Ken terribly. I know. I am such a baby.

Meg and I were hugging and crying at home just before I left. Mama drama! But I can't help it. We haven't been apart a lot, you know. I told her that I wouldn't worry about her because she's such a big girl now. And sensing that she worries for me too. I told her not to worry about me, I will try my very best not to lose my things :p Haha ...... that seems to soothe her a bit.

In fact, she's the 1st one to remind me to bring my passport. She reminded me last night while I was packing my luggage. I was really impressed that she knows the importance of a passport and that of course her mum is a scatterbrain :p She reminded me a couple more times today. It seems like she's more my mum than I am hers!

Likewise, I know the other person who's worried about me going alone is Ken. It's so rare for me to go on a trip without him. I was always so dependent on him for everything and thus he reminded me time and again to take care of my stuffs.

At least I know that Meg is in good hands. Ken has promised me to take good care of her. It means so much to me to know that Meg will be fine. Thanks so much sweetheart for doing everything so that I can go on the trip with a peace of mind. I love you! *muacks*

I am really guilty that Meg will be having her ballet exams during this time. I feel awful for abandoning her. Thank god for mum, aunty Mary and Chermaine, who will also be helping me care for her. I am very lucky to have such loving supportive family who are here for me when I need them.

Alright gotta run or else I will miss the flight! SAYONARA!

P.S. Meg was made class monitress & I'm soooo proud of her!